Let’s say hypothetically you wanted to design the perfect retreat from chaos. This would be a place where you would go to chill out for a couple of weeks and let the world sort itself out.
The Italians are into the spirit of this, by the way. Here are a couple of videos about how they are dealing with their zombie invasion right this minute.
In that lovely nation, the people are taking some joy from their circumstances and making the most of them.
Such a thing could be done here too, with some imagination and resources.
As a thought exercise, if you were to design a perfect place to escape your urban area in favor of some place more pleasant, what would it be like?
Out in the Country
First, your perfect Retreat from Chaos would be out in the country someplace. It would be easy to get to from the city. But, it would be in a place that was remote enough that it was out of range of the zombies. Ideally this place would be within a couple of easy miles from a major interstate highway. That way if you needed to venture back into the chaos for a day or two, you could do so.
Side note: Could you have a chain hotel be a Perfect Retreat from Chaos? I have to say that it would probably be like taking a cruise line. The local Hampton Inn has 120 rooms. With 1.5 potential zombies per room, that makes 180 potential sources of contamination.
How terrible do you think the breakfast buffet would be in a case like that?
The Perfect Retreat from Chaos would be human scale, small scale living, and pleasant. You never know who is a zombie.
Near lots of good food.
Secondly, you would want the perfect Retreat from Chaos be capable of producing at least some of its own food. Maybe you would have a few chickens to provide some protein. There might be a few farmers and/or farm to market places nearby to provide nice produce and/or other supplies.
Maybe there would be a dairy nearby, and possibly, a few farm-to-table places where you could get organic supplies.
Nothing will screw up your supply chain like chaos, and the shorter the supply chain the better.
You might get the urge for some high-end french press coffee, or a nice selection of herbal tea to soothe your tattered nerves. Therefore, you should be close enough to a source of supplies so that you could make a commando raid to get it.
Beer and wine may also be had. If you were lucky, some of this would be home-made or brewed.
You could bring a few friends
Next, your Perfect Retreat from Chaos would be big enough to be able to invite a few friends. I am aware that this depends on the few friends, but as long as the zombies did not infect any of them, it would be fine. It would be a big place, with a lot of rooms, and couch surfing for temporary visitors.
It is possible that your friends might like to sing Purple Rain at midnight. Why should the Perfect Retreat from Chaos be all paranoid? The comfort of friends, and a few loving family members that were not actually a source of chaos would be very pleasant.
You’re three miles from an empty hospital
In the event of a zombie attack, it is likely that the hospital system in a big city would be full and chaotic. In fact, you can envision a case where it was so overcrowded that it would be a source of, say, cootie infection.
Your Perfect Retreat from Chaos should be about three miles from a brand new, practically empty hospital, in the unlikely event that you needed to go there for some reason.
Communications would be good, but not too good.
We have talked about this before. Your perfect Retreat from Chaos would have good enough communications so that if you had to “work from home” for a few days you could. But, you certainly do not want constant blaring in some fearful tone about how much trouble you are in. So, this Perfect Retreat from Chaos would be the type of place that controlled the fear content of the background vibe.
It would be Comfortable
Maybe that would be the first thing. Why should you sleep out on concrete somehow when you can spend time in a roomy place, with comfortable furniture? Even better, why should there not be a simple, parklike environment with beautiful flowers, and birds, and waterfalls?
The mattresses would be soft, the place would smell nice, and you would have everything you need including toilet paper. (Note: Who knew that toilet paper would ever become a scarce resource?)
You would have a knowledgeable guide
Your perfect Retreat from Chaos would be run by someone who was kind, and knowledgeable about the area. Example: This person would have to know when the zombies bust out of the cemetery, and tell you to stay away. This person would also have to know when, or whether, to order a pizza, or how to have a monster-fighting weapon delivered by Amazon Prime.
The Perfect Retreat from Chaos would be FUN
Imagine, hypothetically, that you had to hole up someplace for a couple of weeks. You would want for there to be various fun activities to keep your mind off of the zombies, right? The perfect Retreat from Chaos might very well have an art studio, a place to facilitate writing, a place or two nearby for pleasant walks, and be generally safe and pleasant.
If music was your thing, you could make music. Maybe you want to do the Bob Ross Marathon, complete with happy little trees. If you wanted to create stick sculptures, or light fixtures a la Pinterest, you would have plenty of materials and supplies around.
There would be a huge collection of board games. There might even be an entire collection of chick flicks, which could be played on DVD.
The Perfect Retreat from Chaos would be Pet Friendly
There are differences of opinion on this. For some people, ditching the pet is an important part of a frantic escape from chaos. For some other people, their pets are an important part of their lives, and couldn’t live without them.
So the Perfect Retreat from Chaos would have to accommodate pets, but at the same time have enough places around so that if you didn’t want to deal with them, you wouldn’t have to.
The Weather would be Good
Ah, you had better not forget about this one. Your Perfect Retreat from Chaos is not going to be someplace like Cleveland. It is fine in the summer, but the spring is late and/or nonexistent. Ideally you would want a place with warm spring nights, and lovely rain, which would gradually turn into warm summer evenings were you could sit out on a big front porch.
In fact, there would be a place nearby which is very nearly world famous for how pleasant it is in the spring.
If only such a place existed…
All you would have to do is click a couple of buttons to reserve your spot. Directions would be easy, the place would be beautiful enough for 2500 followers on Pinterest, and your room would be ready when you got there.
We of course couldn’t guarantee a zombie-free environment, even in our Perfect Retreat from Chaos. But, we would improve the odds.
Be there in the square.
